Boring Tuesday

I haven't posted for a few days.  But things were busy over the weekend.  Saturday, DH and the kids worked outside on the yard.  A project that has been long overdue.  Our yard was starting to make us look like poor, white trash.  (No offense intended to anyone.)  On Sunday, there was more work to be done.  So I went out and helped.  The difference in our yard is night and day.  It's amazing what a little cleanup can do and how good it makes you feel.

After all that hard work and fresh air, I was exhausted.  Monday I didn't feel good.  Some sore muscles, but just achy all over.  So I slept alot.  Then I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned until 4 in the morning.  So tonight I took some sleeping pills.  Maybe I will get some good rest and be ready for Wednesday.

I also found a new thing to play with and work on Photoshop with.  It is Kuler and you find it at kuler.adobe.com.  I love it.  People (including me) make 5 color swatches from pictures, flickr, or just a color they like.   Then they add the swatch to the list and other people can download them and add it to their library to use.  It is going to make finding matching colors and coordinating colors for scrapping soooo much easier.

And thanks to Al Ward at actionfx.com.  His work is amazing.  He has made my life a lot easier (and a little overwhelming).  He has brushes, patterns, styles, and just about anything else to add to Photoshop available.  He allows commercial use and charges a resonable price for it.  I look forward to everything new he comes out with.  The problem is, there is soooooo much stuff, I will never use all of it.  But i will try.

Learning new things

I think part of what makes me tick is learning new things and relearning things I knew in the past.  I have started crocheting.  I learned how when I was about 10, but it never really caught on.  Recently I have started again.  I have made one blanket, but it didn't turn out big enough for me.  So I gave it to DD.  and she loves it.

I have also been cross-stitching off and on for the past 15 years or so.  I dropped it for a while, but have recently started again.  I have soooo many projects that are started, but not complete.  I have decided to work on one at a time and when I finish one, then I will start again on another.  And so on, and so on.  I will post pictures as I complete the projects.  I'm not sure I can remember to post pictures as I go.

I also have been enjoying learning about photoshop.  Even though I don't do a lot of photo stuff in it, I have learned how to be creative and create scrapbooking things in it.  Digital scrapbooking is really taking off, and I want to add my touch to the scrapping world.  I just need to organize what I have and see what to do with it.  I also need to keep getting inspired by all the neat stuff out there and put my own twist on it.  Thanks to Al at  Action FX (www.actionfx.com), I have gotten alot of brushes, shapes, etc. to help me along the way.  Now I am a little overwhelmed by all the things he has, but as I get through a little at a time, I will learn to use the cool stuff he has created.  He is making my life a lot easier and I owe him ALOT of credit.  If I ever get a store up and running for digital scrapbooking, I will be sure to thank him a million times over and give him a link on every page.

Recovery Day

Well, after a busy weekend, I think I needed a day to recover.  Today, I had zero energy and slept off and on until 2pm.  It could be the time change, but I think some of it is due to all the work we did in the house this weekend.  At least the weather is changing.  Maybe it will start to be spring on time this year.  We could do without an April blizzard this year, but we will have to see.

I think the kids will enjoy some outside time in the warm air.  Winter has lasted about long enough and we are all ready for some fresh air.

Progress on the house

So far in my quest to get the house in order, I have cleaned the living room (with the help of DH), cleaned the kitchen (most of it), and cleaned off the dining room table and swept under the table.  Things are looking better, and tomorrow is the worst job of all......The Bathroom. :(  But it needs to get done sometime or we will all avoid it and it will turn into a disgusting mess and no one will clean it.

Also, since it was a 4-day weekend for DH from work, he decided to trade his office with DD's bedroom so she can have a larger bedroom.  He also decided that he would make her a new loft bed.  It was alot of work, but we got it done, and it looks really nice.  Now comes the "fun" part of moving all the stuff from one room to the other.  Should be able to get it all done tomorrow and the DD can organize it the way she wants it.

Getting life in order

This week my therapist is helping me get my house in order.  For 4 days, I am tackling one major room.  Day 1 was the living room.  My hubby helped and it looks really great.  Today is the kitchen.  I have already run the dishwasher twice and still have the counters to wipe off and the floor to sweep and mop.  But it is coming along nicely.  Tomorrow is the dining room and I will attempt to find the table underneath all the papers, mail, and empty dishes.  Wish me luck.

Am I sick or just depressed?

For quite some time, I have been Extremely tired.  Not just I need to go to bed early, but I sleep for 6-7 hours at night, then I can sleep for 3-5 more in the morning or afternoon.  When I asked my doctor about it, he said that being tired is just part of depression.  But I really think that there is more to it.  I will have to talk to him again.

But on the other hand, things are going well with my therapist.  She is wonderful and listens without questioning me.  Of course, she is supposed to.  But she makes me feel like my feelings are valid and okay.  She doesn't put me down, or make me feel stupid or lazy.  Hopefully, she can help me overcome whatever is going on and I can feel better about all parts of my life.

Day 3

Just had a quick, but fun weekend with my husband.  We decided on the spur of the moment to go watch our local high school girls team at the state tournament.  They were the state runners-up and we are so proud of how they played and what wonderful and upstanding young women they are turning out to be.  I am proud to be from the same town and am glad that we were able to see them play.

Even though we are tired, we had fun going on a road trip by ourselves.  It's sometimes nice to get away on our own.

Day 2 late

Is it weird that I like to watch cartoons?  My favorite thing to put on the TV is Looney Tunes.  It's not just the cartoons, even though they are very entertaining.  It's also the music.  I could just listen to the cartoon and be able to picture the whole thing in my head.  I could watch and listen to Bugs and Daffy and all their friends all day, every day.  And it is fun to share it with my kids.

I guess there are worse things I could be watching.  I could be addicted to talk shows and watch Oprah or Dr. Phil all day.

Day 2-evening

Today was a better day.  I feel rested and relaxed today.  The boys went to see their "bio" Dad's parents and my daughter went to see her Dad's parents.  We have a 4-day weekend for Spring Break.

I was thinking about bullies today.  I won't be friends with some people on Facebook because they were bullies to me in school.  I'm not sure why I am holding such a grudge against them, but my theory is this....If they were jerks in Jr. High and High School, why would they change just because they are 35 now?  And I don't want to give them the chance to criticize me or how I am living my life.  Because, frankly, it's none of their business now and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

I'm not sure what makes some people tick.  Why do they think that they are better than others just because their parents have more money?  Or because they wear certain clothes or shoes?  Some of the guys in my school would look down on people because of the car they drove...and we live in a rural community.  It just doesn't make sense.  Thank goodness my parents raised me to appreciate what I have and to treat everyone equally and with kindness.  I am so glad my parents raised me right!!

Day 2--morning

I haven't been sleeping well for quite a while, but this morning I woke up at 6:15 (unusual for me) and I feel rather alert.  I haven't been getting alot done around the house for a couple of weeks.  Lack of motovation and just plain old being tired have slowed me down.  Maybe today I will try to get a little laundry done and clear off the dining room table.  Small victories might be best for a while.

Day 1

Today is my first blog.  I've never really written a journal or anything, but I hope this will help me get my thoughts out there and maybe help me deal with life.  And hopefully find ways to make it better.

My (Short) Background


I was diagnosed with depression about 1 1/2 years ago.  At first I thought it was something that would get better soon with the right pill and time.  But as I am learning, it is going to take much longer (and maybe the rest of my life) to "learn to deal with it".  I have just started seeing a therapist and she is going to help me find ways to cope and get through life.

I have to make things better for me and my family.  It's about getting through one day at a time and trying to deal with whatever today throws at me.  And not focus on what yesterday was like or what tomorrow might be.  And trust me, there are a lot of yesterdays I still dwell on.  If I am honest with myself, I have been suffering from some sort of depression, in one form or another, since I was about 12 or so.  And later I will talk about my divorce, probably the lowest point in my life.  But I got through and am trying to make my life better today, so tomorrow can bring what it wants and I will know how to get through that when it gets here.